Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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