smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize