I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
