Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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