the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
