Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize