We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
