Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
