wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
