Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
