True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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