I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
