I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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