Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize