I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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