and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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