Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
