She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
