Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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