Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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