im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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