i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
