i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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