I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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