I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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