We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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