At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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