Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
