Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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