get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
