Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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