i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
