on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize