I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
