Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
