I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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