piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
