It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
