i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
