I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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