and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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