Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
