i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
