Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
