Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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