I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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