All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
