I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
