at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
