i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The air was thick with penises
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
