hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
