no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
