What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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