Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
