yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
