i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
