It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize