I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
