Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
