do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
