I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
