Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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