I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
