Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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