I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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