this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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