Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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