I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He felt like a one man threesome
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
