Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
