I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it was like eating out sand paper
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
wow bdsm is so cute
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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