If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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