ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize