I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
