This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
