i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
