I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize