Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize