i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
