I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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