I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
