Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
