I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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