she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
