i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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