Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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