Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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