i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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