Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
my liver is dry heaving
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
