In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
are you so shy because you have an std?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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