Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
