well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I queefed so loud it echoed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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