Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
