I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
