Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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