So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
