Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
