My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
