just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
