I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
