I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
