I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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