Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
