I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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