he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
